Healing with family, friends and work part2
If someone asks me how you sailed out of your period of separation, I would in a moment say- family, friends and work! A lot of studies have found out that we are happier when we are with our friends as compared to when we are with our spouse/ family! We can comfortably share stuff with our friends that we cannot with our parents due to generation and cultural gap.
I never believed in being a social butterfly being surrounded by friends and just had a single friend with whom I had regularly shared the ups and downs of my married life. But as the relationship with husband started dwindling, I discovered the importance of having friends in life. I got to know more like minded people, started sharing the issues and getting inputs. I realised that I am not the only one with troubles, got inspiration and motivation and in the process made amazing friends for life.
I always remember reading that – in prosperity, our friends know us and in adversity, we know our friends. During the separation process, I did discover a selfish side of people that I had counted on to support me. Some family friends and colleagues turned out to be those who flock together till things are all cheerful but draw apart the moment they see complications or sadness. I had been by the side of a friend during her childbirth, adored her child as own, but now when my child was so heartlessly deserted by her father, the said friend simply closed her eyes and ears. Initially it pained me as much as loosing a family, but then I learnt that the best strategy was to avoid lamenting about such friends.
But overall, I was lucky to have friends who looked beyond my broken fence and saw the withering flowers inside and set out to water them and to see them blossom! What helped was not having any inhibition in sharing the reality; I never pretended to be happy when I was not. Have pinged them in the middle of the night when I felt depressed or early in the morning if a nightmare kept me awake! And these were people that I had hardly met once in my life!
Some people lock themselves inside a cocoon and then analyse their own thought processes in their healing journey. I wasn’t this type; I read a lot, talked a lot, shared a lot and never held back what I wanted to say. Earlier there used to be a mention of husband and negative incidents at least once daily. But in less than a year, it gradually decreased on its own and I found out that I had other useful things to talk about than the past!
On my bucket list is getting a chance to travel with a group of friends, mothers and kids in future. I kept my mind open, made new friends and was lucky that they turned out to be so caring and supportive. They helped me find important things when I had lost them – my smile, my hope and my courage.”