What I learned from choosing the wrong partner

Today, as I dwell back on my past, my relationship has taught me the most essential lessons in my life –

By ignoring me and my child completely, my ex taught me to be independent. I was grown up in an affluent family and as the younger kid, I was too often over protected by my family members.  My 7 years of marriage taught me to be on my own, without relying on any one else. Be it medical emergencies, even labor pain, I was alone and although the learning has been difficult, it was worth the pain. Today,  even though I lean  on my parents for any emergency and support I am confident that I can do well even on my own.

I learned to be sensitive  to the people around me. I grew up in a privileged environment, not really thinking deeply about the others around me.  Today, after the struggles I have gone through, I care a lot more about the people around me. Pain has made me more empathizing and compassionate to others feelings.  I have experienced the rock-bottom feeling, and this has deeply made me more considerate to the people around me.

I learned to be alone without being lonely. My break up has taught me to enjoy my own company. Today, I would rather be alone than be with people who do not match my frequency. I am less tolerant of negative people or people who drain my energy.

However, the most important of all, was to love myself and accept myself completely. I read a book where it was said, its not possible for others to betray you, unless you have betrayed yourself before.  I cannot think of another truth, which made so much of an impact on me. I quote from the book directly–“ the one betrayed may be someone who doesn’t really stand up for themselves and their beliefs. Someone who has often been feeling dependent on their partner in one way or another but not dared to challenge that dependency, to courageously follow their own truth and to trust their own strength.” Unfortunately,  this was who I was, at that point in time. It had  taken me a bad relationship to teach me this simple truth. I thought about all the times, I suppressed my feelings and needs, not standing up for myself, and fearing about what other people would think about me, if I spoke about what I truly felt. It all came back like flashes of a movie picture. I had never considered myself important enough to stand up for. I never really cared much about myself. I had never really considered myself important enough. Today, I try to be more authentic as a person. I still have difficulty with speaking up, but at least I am more aware of my weakness. Although I still find it difficult to share my feelings and trust with anyone again, I consciously try to be more forthcoming in my views.

Love yourself. Respect yourself. Because if you love yourself, you will never let anyone else treat you like anything less than what you deserve. When you love yourself, you give the same kind of love to others. It is not possible to pour from an empty cup. Similarly, unless you love yourself you cannot love others completely.

Everything in our life happens for a reason –  the good, the bad and the ugly. Every experience we go through in life, aids us to grow, if you are only willing to learn the lesson. Also , know that the lesson keeps repeating itself unless you learn  from it. Let go of the fears which hold you back and believe in yourself and your dreams.

Lastly, When you lose, don’t lose the lesson…